• Don't change the core message; make it land better
• Multiple focused passes beat one unfocused review
• Each edit should have a clear reason
• Preserve authenticity while improving effectiveness

• Generic vs. personalized content
• Relevance to their role/industry/situation
• Connection to their likely priorities
• Timing appropriateness

• Template language that could go to anyone
• Missing connection to their world
• Wrong assumptions about their priorities
• No research evident

1. Read as if you're the prospect—does it feel personal?
2. Highlight generic phrases that could apply to anyone
3. Recommend specific personalization
4. Verify personalization is accurate, not forced

• Clear benefit to the prospect
• Specific vs. vague claims
• Features translated to outcomes
• "So what?" answered

• Leading with product features
• Benefits that are about you, not them
• Impressive claims without concrete outcomes
• Assuming they understand why they should care

1. Identify the core value proposition
2. Check if it's stated in terms of their benefit
3. Make claims specific and outcome-oriented
4. Remove self-focused language

• Word count (emails should be short)
• Unnecessary qualifiers
• Redundant phrases
• Sentences that could be cut

• Cold email: 50-125 words
• Follow-up email: 25-75 words
• LinkedIn message: 50-100 words
• Subject line: 4-8 words

• "Just" ("Just wanted to reach out" → "Reaching out")
• "I think/I believe" (adds doubt, just state it)
• "Basically/essentially" (filler)
• "Very/really/extremely" (weak intensifiers)
• "In order to" (use "to")
• "The fact that" (cut entirely)
• "I wanted to" (just do the thing)

1. Count words and compare to target
2. Cut or tighten until within range
3. Verify meaning is preserved
4. Read aloud—does it flow?

• First sentence impact
• Does it earn attention?
• Is it about them, not you?
• Does it create curiosity or recognition?

• "My name is X and I work at Y"
• "I hope this email finds you well"
• "I'm reaching out because..."
• "We're a leading provider of..."
• "I wanted to introduce myself"

• Relevant observation about them
• Question that resonates with their problem
• Specific result achieved for similar company
• Shared connection or trigger event
• Bold, relevant claim

1. Read just the first sentence
2. Would you keep reading if you were busy?
3. Rewrite to lead with them, not you
4. Make it specific enough that it couldn't go to anyone else

• Single, clear call to action
• Appropriate ask size
• Easy to respond to
• Specific vs. vague

• "Let me know if you'd like to learn more"
• "Would love to chat sometime"
• "Let me know your thoughts"
• "Happy to answer any questions"

• "Open to a 15-minute call Thursday or Friday?"
• "Worth a conversation?"
• "Can I send a 2-minute video showing how this works?"
• "Would [specific thing] be valuable for your team?"

• Make it easy to say yes or no
• Lower commitment = higher response rate
• Specific times beat "sometime"
• Questions beat statements

1. Identify the CTA
2. Is there only one? (Multiple CTAs confuse)
3. Is the ask appropriate for the relationship?
4. Can they respond with minimal effort?

• Natural vs. salesy language
• Confident vs. desperate tone
• Professional vs. stuffy
• Authentic vs. template-feeling

• "Leverage," "synergy," "solution" (corporate speak)
• Multiple exclamation points
• Overpromising language
• Begging or desperate tone
• Robotic, no personality

1. Read the message aloud
2. Does it sound like you talking, not a template?
3. Would you be annoyed receiving this?
4. Adjust tone to be conversational but professional

• Spelling and grammar
• Merge field accuracy (name, company spelled right)
• Links working
• Formatting clean
• Mobile-friendly (short lines)

• Wrong name or company name
• Outdated information
• Broken links
• Weird formatting from copy/paste
• Unmerged variables (Hi {First_Name})

1. Proofread carefully
2. Verify all personalization is accurate
3. Test any links
4. Check on mobile if possible

• Subject line is specific and intriguing (not clickbait)
• First line is about them, not you
• Message is under 100 words
• Clear value prop in 1-2 sentences
• Single, specific CTA
• No "just checking in" or weak language
• Reads naturally aloud
• All personalization is accurate

• References previous touch
• Adds new value or angle
• Even shorter than first email
• Clear CTA
• Not desperate or guilt-inducing

• Short (under 100 words for connection request)
• Relevant connection point
• Not a pitch dump
• Conversational tone
• Simple ask

• Strong opening (not "How are you today?")
• Permission-based or value-led opener
• Handles "I'm busy" smoothly
• Key qualifying questions ready
• Clear meeting ask
• Sounds natural, not read

Hi John,

My name is Sarah and I'm an Account Executive at Acme Corp. We're a leading provider of sales engagement solutions that help companies streamline their outbound process.

Our platform offers multi-channel sequences, AI-powered analytics, and seamless CRM integration. We've helped over 500 companies improve their sales productivity.

I noticed that your company is growing quickly and thought you might benefit from our solution. We've worked with similar companies in your industry and helped them achieve significant results.

I would love to schedule a brief call to learn more about your current challenges and discuss how Acme could potentially help your team.

Let me know if you'd be interested in chatting.

Best, Sarah

Hi John,

Congrats on hitting 50 reps—saw the announcement on LinkedIn.

When teams scale that fast, outbound typically breaks. Reps do random acts of prospecting instead of systematic outreach.

We helped Segment's team go from 12% to 23% reply rates during their scale-up. Happy to share what worked.

Worth 15 minutes Thursday?

Sarah

Hi John,

Just wanted to circle back on my email from last week. I know you're busy, but I wanted to make sure my message didn't get lost in your inbox.

As I mentioned, we help companies improve their sales process. I think there could be a good fit here.

Let me know if you have any interest in chatting.

Thanks, Sarah

John—

Quick thought: I talked to 3 sales leaders this week who are scaling to 50+ reps. #1 challenge? New reps take 4-6 months to ramp.

We cut that to 6 weeks for Segment.

Still worth a conversation?

Sarah

1. Run a pass and present findings - Show what you found, why it matters
2. Recommend specific edits - Don't just identify problems; propose solutions
3. Explain the reasoning - Help them learn, not just fix this message
4. Maintain their voice - Edit, don't rewrite as yourself
5. Test the changes - A/B test edited vs. original when possible

1. Who is this message going to? (Title, company, situation)
2. What's the goal? (Meeting, reply, intro, etc.)
3. Where are they in your outreach sequence?
4. What do you know about them specifically?
5. What's worked in similar messages before?
6. What's your authentic voice/style?

• cold-outreach: For writing new outreach from scratch
• follow-up-sequences: For sequence strategy
• discovery-calls: For call script review
• objection-handling: For objection response editing